I hate when people ask me what I'm going to do in an hour, a month, a year. I hate when I'm trapped in very annoying conversations among the eldest in the family and they ask me about my life, what I'm going to do with my life, what my plans are, what the thing I anticipate the most is.
I remembered what happened 18 months ago, at a party, nice party and I don't know any single person. I was completely okay until the moment I went downstairs to get a seat. I saw someone walked towards me. Not actually towards me, she passed me by, walked upstairs silently, and for one minute I didn't breathe. I know it was her. I swear I had prepared myself very well to meet that person anytime, but I just didn't think I would meet her there, and to make it even worse, when I was not ready.
The point is, what if your plans and anticipations didn't accurately work? Let's say we're busy making plans. And we actually do our best to make it work. But fear is constantly shadowing our way. The fear of disappointment due to either disappointing ourselves or just shit that happens. Whatever. It all ends the same. Disappointing.
Dear Diary,Today I convinced myself it was okay to give up. Don't take risks. Stick with the status quo. No drama, now is just not the time.-Elena Gilbert (The Vampire Diaries)
It is not about me who works super hard just to make everything go as I plan. I can't control anything. And it is not about you who work hard as well, just to be sure everything go according to my plan, even if it's not exactly the same as yours. It's about my own fear of disappointment because once your plan ruined, only a single plan ruined, your whole life will be spoiled. I don't know about you, but it takes days, weeks, months for me to let go of that disappointment, even when I finally find my rhyme and the life is going back to normal.
However, God also has His plans. And based on true story, ladies and gentlemen, His plans are never disappointing.